Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
I drive waaaay too fast to worry about cholesterol!
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
When I’m not in my right mind my left mind gets pretty crowded.
For Sale: One parachute only used once. Never opened. Small
stain.
Ok, so what’s the speed of dark?
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
I think the Mars Rover is really scouting for the next Wal-Mart Superstore
site.
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the
target.
Whoever coined the phrase, “Quiet as a mouse,” has never actually
stepped on one.
When in doubt, mumble.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a
bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are hot.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box
to start a campfire?
Never – under any circumstances – take a sleeping pill and a
laxative on the same night. Oy.
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
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